so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's great music for shaving your balls
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
