he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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