the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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