the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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