My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
