i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
