I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i think i just lost a toe
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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