Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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