get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
