butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
