im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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