we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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