Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize