was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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