fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
