can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
its not stalking. its research.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
