Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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