if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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