It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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