Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
