I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
