Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
