Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
