I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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