Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
