He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
