i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize