no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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