Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
