i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
