Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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