if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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