I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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