i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
