If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
even my farts smell like vagina
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
