His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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