My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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