I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
