Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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