can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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