I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
