I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
