STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
