this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
