Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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