I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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