Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
