And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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