I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
