...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
