I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
