Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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