Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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