Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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