last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
